edcel.net - a personal weblog

I never imagined I could talk that much in a single seating. Well, when it’s an interesting topic that you’re discussing, of course, time flies.

Some colleagues and I were eating at the pantry, it’s a Friday and we’re almost done with our target for the fiscal month. We were just lounging and talking around. It started around 12:30pm, the next instance when I looked at the time, it was already 4:00pm! Goodness, 3 and a half hours of nonstop talk! Mind you though, we were able to talk with sense. It’s more on business as well.

I’m insecure of myself, honestly. I’m such a negative person that I feel somewhat frustrated because up to now, I still stutter when I speak.

People would say it’s actually a great feat, being able to be almost an all-around person with a thick face, developing his PR skills to every person he meets. The description seems nice but the operative word is still “almost”.

I’m actually more pressured because I still think of what people are going to say. I am still self-conscious that I am my worst critic. Anyway, I have to get this mentality out of my head cause it’s not proper.

High school classmates texted me, saying they wanted to meet up. I was contemplating if I should join them or not. I don’t know really, I’ve become afraid of seeing them and how they would react. Not that I have anything to brag about nor do I have a lot to criticize. It’s just constitutes maybe to my low self-esteem; am I that self-conscious? I don’t even have the right to feel this way as I am the one who has gotten a decent job despite not having a college degree yet. But I don’t know, I don’t want to go back and talk about the old times; since it makes me depressed all the more, knowing that I don’t like what I’ve become. Especially since I don’t want to picture myself of saying things I never want to say, because I’ll be too drunk to care. To think about the hangover I’ll be getting the next day.

So I resulted to texting them, saying I was doing Overtime at work; and I have to pass this one up. White lie, ed.