Edcel.net - mind games

I feel sick and tired with the current workload that I’m handling. I never expected that I’d handle this much given with my current position. Sometimes, I feel that I’m eating my own words that I wanted growth on why I left my comfortable work environment before. But I know that it’s the system that I hate very much; there seems to be no clear system.

It seems a bit hard cause in order to get out of this predicament, I have to either transfer to another account but work on the same scope of support or apply for a higher position which means more responsibilities.

Despite this, I’m still in a positive notion (though it seems I’m forcing it) that this is just a phase like any other stage in every person’s career. This too shall pass.

I’m not feeling well.

I went to work last night, thinking I’d be able to finish a lot of evaluations but I was dismayed. I came in at 9pm and around midnight, I frequently visited the restroom just to relieve myself. I thought it was just a simple case, but I traversed back and forth my desk and the toilet 5 times. I also threw up in some cases which I rarely often do.

I asked for some meds from our clinic and wanted a mattress to rest but when I went there, the bed was already occupied by another patient. When I went to our lounge, all the bean bags were taken. Sheesh. I wanted to go home, but I was too weak that I just brought my pillow and slept on my station.

I went home afterwards.

Now, I’m here typing about how sick I am. I’ve never been this vulnerable, and I thought I was invincible. Was it because I’ve overworked the previous days? I don’t think so. But I have to talk this out with my manager. I feel pathetic that I was unproductive last night. I have to work double next shift then so I can justify whatever leave I’ll be taking.

Oh, shoot; I almost forgot, I’m on leave this Friday and Monday that I have to submit my evaluations in advance. F*ck, I feel sick even more just thinking about work.