Edcel.net - mind games

I’m finally going to get a good night’s day’s rest! Was awake for 24 hours and only slept 2 hours before that and was also awake 14 hours prior. I’m getting a bit wasted that I can’t even keep track of time and remember what happened on what.

I’m glad that we won’t have classes later on for my last subject. I just have to directly to the office and then it’s the weekend off! I’m definitely going to utilize this time to get some shut eyes.

I’ll definitely have more things to do when I wake up because all my assignments are being stacked for the weekend. But for now, I will get my rest!

I think I’m sick, or I’m getting there.

Probably because of the excessive hours waking up.

I haven’t had a decent sleep, and to think that this is still the first week of classes; I’m already swamped with too much homework!

One step at a time, Ed.

I’m going back to school and I as of now, I don’t have sleep already. Great, just great. Now that I’m going back to a classroom environment (a returnee and a shiftee at the same time), I need to get my act back together.

I just hope it’s not going to be one of those times wherein I wake up in the middle of the night worrying about a certain subject that I didn’t attend, only to find out at that moment that I was only dreaming and that I wasn’t enrolled.

I need to take supplements now, unless I want to look like a live sample of a skeletal system. Good luck to me, I need to get my diploma now. I need it badly.

I’ve been living life the past 6 months or so for this and I was very happy because it gave me the opportunity to abuse my body since I don’t have a life. However, they announced that they no longer need it because we’ve met the required number of workforce allotted for our position. It’s quite logical but lonely. hehe.

But since I’ll be going back to school, I guess it’s already fine. At least I wouldn’t have too many hours after my shift because I’d have nothing else to do because now, I have something else to do. Just that I’d have to make do with whatever salary I’d get from now on.

Good luck to me.

Sacrifice something precious to gain something else

More people are getting promoted at work. Most of the tenured agents are gaining confidence in applying for higher positions. Of course, if you’re bored of doing the same routine already, you’d find other means to do something more than your scope of work; that is if you’re open to change. And since I’m in an industry that is ever changing and growing, we need more and more people to fill up the available “Leader” positions to direct and handle people who are still starting.

As for me, I’m in a tough dilemma. I’m not entirely new to my current position but I wish to apply for a leadership role as well. However, I have a problem with setting up and sorting out my priorities. I’m still an undergraduate who wants to finish and get a degree so I can have other opportunities, so if I apply for a higher position, it means more responsibilities and more pressure. It is known that to become a Team Leader in this industry would mean more dedication which would just be reciprocated mostly with a “Thank You”. I’m up for the challenge since this is the path that I wanted in the first place. Then again, I said that I’m planning to go back to school. So aside from schooling and reaching my quota everyday, blogging is next in line.

But of course, if I choose to apply for a TL and would get accepted for the job, then I’d have to either choose between going to school or blogging; in any case, school would have to be first. I don’t even have the right to assume that I’m going to get the job if I apply again.

However, knowing that I’m seeing the fruits of my side labor, it doesn’t really equate much when it comes to salary if I still stick to my current work. Just that I’d be missing the opportunity at this moment of getting a higher rank. This is what I had been eyeing on even when I applied for an Evaluator’s position. But then I discovered blogging.

I’m actually getting some cash out of this craft and I don’t want to stop the momentum when I haven’t reached my full potential yet in this online venture. So in some sense, if I pick one path, I’d have to make do with a secondary, and try to eliminate the third option. In this case, I’m having a terribly difficult time which to give up: TL Application, Schooling or Blogging. Just to let you know, this is on top of the current work that I have.

I’ve already had a hard time studying while working as an agent, much more if I’d become a TL. But I believe can make it, I know I can balance the two; compromising my health then in the process.

I’m in such a rut right now, thinking over and weighing things out. So what’ll it be ed? Career, school, blogging? Can’t I have all?

Back when I was in my sophomore year in high school, I was transferred to another school because the eldest brother had a bit of an issue with one of his subjects. We all had to transfer and I personally didn’t like the way that I would have to introduce myself to a bunch of people again, thinking they’d really want to get to know me better.

I’ve been to a lot of schools already and when I saw the structure of the place as well as the facilities, I didn’t really want to know why the place was like a marijuana rehab for heroin rehabilitation. I didn’t like the fact that it didn’t look like an institution that was conducive for learning because as what I’ve heard, it’s usually a center for people who were drawn into different mischiefs and vices such as cocaine rehab or crystal meth rehab. It looked like dump for drug rehab statistics so people can check if they have the determination to heal themselves. However, as time passed, I grew to like the people there.

I was able to learn that they were what they are, people. They have a lot of pool for talent which is another great avenue for me to express myself better. Some of them just needed guidance or just plain attention. As I got to know them a little better; I found out that they were also people who had a life; they just started at the wrong end.

The funny thing about the whole story is that after a year’s worth of schooling, we were told that we were going back to my old school. But I told them that I just wanted to stay. Of course, as if I was the one paying for my tuition, so I just obeyed. But that’s one of the good experiences about the messier sad of life that I’ve learned.

All this talking about rehab makes me hear Amy Winehouse’s contemporary hit “Rehab” and I want to take it out of my head already. sheesh.

While on our way to i1 to have our lunch, I saw a couple of old classmates at Da Vinci’s. I dropped by them for the occasional ‘Hi’s’. One of them blurted out that he just got accepted to the same company I’m working for. I’m glad; last year, although the idea didn’t seem alien to him, but he neither was confident in applying for a position. But now that we needed more employees cause the company is constantly ramping up, opportunities are abound; even for undergrads.

With the good news, I asked him how he was doing with his studies. He’s on his last year of college, f*ck. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for him, it’s me and where I am is what constantly bugs me. He asked me why I stopped school. The occasional response has always been “unpaid accounts”. Ever since, we’re always like this, I’m always in this shithole.

But right now, I’m sometimes torn by the idea of having to finish my studies, enjoying what I can while I’m still alive, and balancing my finances in helping my family with our daily expenses. It seems as if I’m at a crossroad; without really understanding which path I’m going to lead. People have different opinions and I’m influenced by them that I tend to sway from one direction to another without taking a firm stance and living up to it.

I should know what I want, but what do I want?

I want to keep up the pace and be at par with everyone. I want to do everything even if I know I can’t have it all. Next question is where do I start? Sheesh. It seems like every obstacle has its own sub-plot. But I guess that’s how life is… predictably inconsistent.