Edcel.net - mind games

There’s another position to be filled upon and it is to our advantage since we already have the edge because we are the pioneers of the account. I’m still thinking about it. However, the idea is a bit vague on my end, even if they say that I have nothing to lose since I’m single, and it’s an added opportunity to go out and explore what life can offer

Don’t look back so you won’t have to wallow about the past.

–> This is what a former colleague advised me when applying for a different position since she thinks that the reason I’m undecided is because of the attachment I have with my previous account.

I have been through this situation before, and I’ve been very transparent in opening it to my colleagues at work. That’s why I got a bit of a tip from the one whom I quoted in this entry. I tend to look back in the past which makes me regret the challenges I am facing in the future. What I have to do is just eliminate myself from what happened and pursue what’s being paved for me.

But what if the environment is the one that keeps on reminding me of the path I used to travel? My friends are there on just one corner, so it’s hard not to go out with people you’ve grown accustomed with. The thing is I don’t wallow anymore because I have gained a lot of knowledge and experience that I will never get if I were to stay in my previous situation. I wouldn’t have this type of mentality had I not taken the risk that I did almost a year ago.

I have moved on, I’ve moved on even before. Which leads me to state what another colleague said when it comes to promotions.

One of the main reasons why people apply for a higher position is because of self-esteem.

Self-esteem, plus some other factors. It does play a role because if one wants to get a higher position, one has the recognition and the pay. But then, it comes with certain sacrifices because of bigger responsibilities. If one can be contented with what he has, then there wouldn’t be any problem. But then that’s the issue in living; we want to grow and change since it’s an inevitable part of life; that is if you want to develop yourself further.

Ed, one becomes indecisive when one has many options.

I took this as a compliment, since that’s actually the nicest thing one has ever said to me on that day. Another colleague said that I can do so many things that’s why it’s hard for me to decide. I don’t think I’m lost, it’s just that an opportunity is knocking on my doorstep and when one is eligible, people will want to push you up.

This reminds me of the classic by J.D. Salinger “The Catcher in the Rye”. But I shouldn’t be bothered as I’m through with angst and all that crap. Still, do I want to stay like in this position? Of course, not. But most likely, I just need to take my time.

Let me be unfazed my words that don’t matter at all.

I see where the problem lies, it’s with gaining an image; a good one at that. It’s the reason why I’m pressured to arriving at a decision. Image and perception. I wrote an entry before about setting my priorities and talking about promotions.

After discussing the matter with my supervisor and my colleagues, it went down to the bottom line that it’s not a matter of me being able to handle the job, cause I can. Sadly, it’s really more on getting my sense of worth because of accomplishing something better than a golf ball.

Just like the story of Vanilla Sky, what if all your dreams become lucid? Every perception of how you want things to be would suddenly come true because of the different points and figures that you see in life that influence you to be the best; even if you’re not.

I was able to help a friend with her report about why negative images stick to one’s mind better than those positive ones. I gave my opinion that’s it’s because of wanting to get a better life/image out of the one that went bad or at least went wrong. We want to paint a picture of a perfect life because there’s no use of fixing things that are not broken. However, it’s also because of man’s mission of seeking and living the good life. It’s also our instinct of being competitive; we want to be better than each other.

Going back, this is where the problem lies. I still see myself as someone who can do more; there’s no problem with that. The issue is because I want to please other people because I still want to be someone people can look up to. I’m more concerned on how I see myself because of how other people see me. Only, if I am not able to delivering results, I pressure myself to the brink of paranoia.

It could be possible that it’s because of youth; I’m 21 years old, still young and ambitious. That’s what a workmate commented, and I agreed. I still see the idealistic side of things. Again, it’s a matter of perception. But with that being said, we’re back to the point of discussion; and I don’t want to repeat myself again because I’m just going in circles.

Sacrifice something precious to gain something else

More people are getting promoted at work. Most of the tenured agents are gaining confidence in applying for higher positions. Of course, if you’re bored of doing the same routine already, you’d find other means to do something more than your scope of work; that is if you’re open to change. And since I’m in an industry that is ever changing and growing, we need more and more people to fill up the available “Leader” positions to direct and handle people who are still starting.

As for me, I’m in a tough dilemma. I’m not entirely new to my current position but I wish to apply for a leadership role as well. However, I have a problem with setting up and sorting out my priorities. I’m still an undergraduate who wants to finish and get a degree so I can have other opportunities, so if I apply for a higher position, it means more responsibilities and more pressure. It is known that to become a Team Leader in this industry would mean more dedication which would just be reciprocated mostly with a “Thank You”. I’m up for the challenge since this is the path that I wanted in the first place. Then again, I said that I’m planning to go back to school. So aside from schooling and reaching my quota everyday, blogging is next in line.

But of course, if I choose to apply for a TL and would get accepted for the job, then I’d have to either choose between going to school or blogging; in any case, school would have to be first. I don’t even have the right to assume that I’m going to get the job if I apply again.

However, knowing that I’m seeing the fruits of my side labor, it doesn’t really equate much when it comes to salary if I still stick to my current work. Just that I’d be missing the opportunity at this moment of getting a higher rank. This is what I had been eyeing on even when I applied for an Evaluator’s position. But then I discovered blogging.

I’m actually getting some cash out of this craft and I don’t want to stop the momentum when I haven’t reached my full potential yet in this online venture. So in some sense, if I pick one path, I’d have to make do with a secondary, and try to eliminate the third option. In this case, I’m having a terribly difficult time which to give up: TL Application, Schooling or Blogging. Just to let you know, this is on top of the current work that I have.

I’ve already had a hard time studying while working as an agent, much more if I’d become a TL. But I believe can make it, I know I can balance the two; compromising my health then in the process.

I’m in such a rut right now, thinking over and weighing things out. So what’ll it be ed? Career, school, blogging? Can’t I have all?

When I was still in Siargao, I was about to sleep, a colleague texted me saying she’s leaving our account. She and another colleague will have a lateral transfer to another Provider on the same company. They will still be based here in Cebu but they’ll be in Bacolod for 2 weeks for the training. Shoot. I could’ve also grabbed the opportunity if I were there with them had I not spent a vacation. I had a hard time sleeping then. Right now, they already have tickets to proceed.

I can’t deny that I didn’t want the job. Sure it may also be challenging. New job, new processes, new adjustments, new bosses. But I’m willing to learn and be trained. I talked to the big boss, asked him if there were other slots, he said he’ll think about it.

Maybe I’m just overwhelmed with this news which is why I’m acting this way. I’ll have my time.