coincidence?
September 5, 2008Posted by edcel in family, pictures.
I’m moving out. I paid a partial rent already so things are really taking effect. Somehow, I feel bad; that I’m abandoning ship and leaving my family behind.
I’m leaving the place , maybe just for awhile and like I said before, I’m scared shitless. The inevitable will always be there, but I’m growing old and I can’t revert to the same ways that have always prevailed in my almost 22 years of existence. I need and I want to step up. It will be hard I know, I will stumble countless times. I just need the space for myself alone.
Does that make me a bad son? Because of the situation that I’m creating, it feels like I’m the one creating a broken family. But I haven’t always been a good child, I do become selfish a lot of times. But because I’m staying away from the problem, it’s like I’m escaping my responsibility. However, I also need to grow; how can I live up to my own principles if I don’t practice them? I want a travel marketing plan.
The mentality that I’ve always had is to help my family, pay my respects, do my obligations, be the obedient child. But now, I’m just all too tired and full of pride which makes me question the path I’m taking. Do I want to be like this? Of course not; however, I need to keep my own beliefs intact; even if it means going away.
The feeling just sucks, with all the things that we’ve been through, with all the hardships we’ve survived, I’m now turning into a prodigal son.
Coincidentally, I read a story from a forwarded message stuck in my Inbox. The email talked about a son who grew up who sent his parents to a trip. Since it was his parents’ first time to ride a plane, they couldn’t conceal their excitement when they were already at the airport. Anyway, here’s a passage…
A simple man tells how his booking an air ticket for his father, his
first flight, brought emotions and made him realize that how much we
all take for granted when it comes to our parents.As they were about to go in for the security check-in, he walked up to
me with tears in his eyes and thanked me. He became very emotional and
it was not as if I had done something great but the fact that this meant
a great deal to him.My parents left for our native place on Thursday and we went to the airport to see them off. In fact, my father had never traveled by air before, so I just took this opportunity to make him experience the same. In spite of being asked to book tickets by train, I got them tickets on
lufthansa.The moment I handed over the tickets to him, he was surprised to see that I had booked them by air. The excitement was very apparent on his face, waiting for the time of travel. Just like a school boy, he was preparing himself on that day and we all went to the airport, right from using the trolley for his luggage, the baggage check-in and asking for window seat and waiting restlessly for the security check-in to happen. He was thoroughly enjoying himself and I, too, was overcome with joy watching him experience all these things.
The story isn’t that hard to understand, it’s just about giving back the selflessness that you received from the people who raised you properly.
I’ve always wanted to bring something to the house. I’ve always wanted a picture of a happy family (our family) gathering in one table with our wives and children in tow. But somehow, poverty clouded that memory. It seems like that type of scene would only come true if money would be no question. And in our case, it’s always been an issue. Sure, we were one when we had no money. But the problem is we’re growing up.
Even if how many instances my parents would say that money is not the problem, it’s the one that’s been hindering us from achieving a lot of things. Or maybe that’s just my personal opinion. I don’t know how many times my father did the impossible; like sending us to private schools even if he didn’t have a single cent in his pocket. But then, I can never be like him. I’ve always wanted to but I just couldn’t; and I still can’t. He’s not pressuring me since I’m the one doing it for myself; setting a standard that I can never reach which makes me all the more frustrated when I’m unable to succeed.
And now that I’m transferring to another place which is actually illogical, I have to keep my head up. I have my own journeys to take; definitely I don’t want to be alone. But sometimes I just have to stay strong, even if it means losing my senses.
