Edcel.net – mind games

Life has hit me hard in a lot of ways. But there are still more people who’ve been through worse; and I am keeping that notion to constantly challenge me, to develop my full potential because I know that nothing ever stops and we area always growing. It’s another one of those moments where I just have to keep everything in stride and not look back.

Looking back has been one of the biggest frustrations that I have. I do my best to break free but we know that fate can only do so much, you have to act on it before it disappears.

Doing something has made me see a better sense of self and I am glad to experience this since I know it is important to know what you want. I still am on this path but I’m thankful that this opportunity passed by. This time, I shouldn’t let it slip away from my hands.

The past few days, life has been a blur. I just feel like I’ve been placed on a track for other people to bet  on –> bad simile. I’ve been trying to find meaning amidst all complexities as well as shallowness but somehow I’m running on empty. This isn’t supposed to be who I am and what I do as I live for discovery and exploration. Maybe I’m just looking for substance and worth even in the little things that routine can offer. Darn it, I’m at it again.

I wish I could and let people direct me what to do with my life. But then reality sometimes have to be what it is… hard and cold. You have to think of something and you have to act quick before you lose all your senses and in turn, lose yourself. You have to make a decision so you have to find logic or feel the emotion to weigh each option on which is heavier. But it doesn’t mean that the heavier it is the better. You’ll never know what lightness can bring.

I’m upset at your every move and I’m glad it’s over. I don’t know what’s wrong why I feel like you’re somewhat queasy and insane in a way. Just stop what you’re doing and stick to the basics. You don’t have to mind every other person’s move or check out their status because you also have your life to live. Putting a person into a single glass globe doesn’t really do much but reinforces the notion of paranoia, like some sick psycho waiting to strike in the middle of the night. Get a life, alright?

Funny how things cause you addiction like a drug you can’t get enough of. People face this battle everyday on how to continue to exist. Some take pleasure in bringing pain to hide that sense of insecurity that has been kept in a shell all along.

We are all bound to be competitive in life in order to survive. The law of nature has been what was always; a simple declaration of might in order to achieve power and maintain it. We inflict fear in the course of getting respect, we cause pain to achieve pleasure of a war that we brought ourselves upon.

The survival of the fittest, a natural instinct, to regain the verve that was once lost when ruling hindered us to act on our own barbaric behaviors. Animals as we are, we strike than be struck, we fight else we fail.

In the course of danger, we would rather be the predator than be eaten alive. It’s in our innate characteristic that makes us human after all. So what are you then? Strong or Weak? Respect or Fear? Pleasure or Pain?

The things I do to get both.

What is more to life?
I sit here staring at pixels that blink and some that don’t.
I hallucinate for the lack of hydration.
I contemplate on issues that surround.
I know that somewhere, a purpose has been deemed for me to find.
That I’m not only here for spite.
I am not only a dot, I am not a bubble, not even a single thread amongst many others.
I have a reason but that reason I have to search.
Do I have to create consequences in order for me to come up with sensible actions?
My mind is wandering off and I feel stressed.
Through the corners of my head (yes, my head has corners) balls are passing through (no, my head doesn’t have balls)
What sense is there for me to think?
I feel like a robot designed to operate but I’m losing control.
I go in spaces and places that can only be touched within imagination.
I go into an abyss fighting decisions that don’t have to be argued.
My mind is meant for lunacy, and it’s only a matter of clocks ticking before this perception is headed towards the bomb.

Your opinion still matters, but hear me out too. Don’t even think that I’m still stuck. It’s just sad knowing that you still have the impression that you’ve thought I’ll always be. Do you see me as a freak? I can’t change that. I just wish you’d open your mind now. People change, remember? That’s been the excuse ever since.

I want to talk but it’s circumstance and life and relationships that have shifted our perception on how we’re supposed to be. Ultimately, I blame pride that shuts down the desire for reconciliation.

How can buildings be the same as islands? How can faith be still recognized when perseverance is deemed useless?

I’m tired of starting the spark when the flames aren’t burning and they’ve lost their glow that ignited because of the uncontrollable truth that lost souls will forever be drifting afloat.