Edcel.net - mind games

Just had our first practice exercise in PE –> ha, I’m still taking Physical Education in school. I still won’t admit that I’m already old and going back to school. I just hope I won’t be a Van Wilder and always think of partying and having a good time; even if it’s one of the things I need to do. It’s far from my personality because of the way I need to settle a lot of obligations while keeping a sound mind a healthy body. I need to get my vitamins anyway.

Speaking of health, I’m in a trance because my mind can only comprehend the physical aspects of understanding concepts. I can’t go deeper down my memory in order to recall a certain fact or figure. My mind is deteriorating because of the lack of sleep and the number of assignments and the metrics that I need to meet. But I don’t call myself average but hardworking for nothing. I know I can do this, failure is not even an option.

However, I just need to get the much needed rest that I deserve. The class after this will be a straight, moving towards my shift at work and another straight class tomorrow. I only slept for an hour and a half, I need to stay awake for another 20 hours before I can get the next available rest.

I think I’m sick, or I’m getting there.

Probably because of the excessive hours waking up.

I haven’t had a decent sleep, and to think that this is still the first week of classes; I’m already swamped with too much homework!

One step at a time, Ed.

I deserve it.

I’m in Manila right now because of work. Haha, this is my first official business trip where the company is paying for everything. Well, maybe just the food and some allowance but all is well. It’s been four days since we’ve checked in the hotel we’re staying and we’re finally getting the treatment we deserve.

Aside from being in Cebu, and looking like we’re from the boondocks, we were being discriminated by our own nationality just because we don’t look the part. I mean, we don’t want to overdress when we go out because we’re not like that. Sometimes, we just want to stay in the hotel and go out with our slippers. It’s just sad, knowing that we’re paying (well, the company is) for the hotel and people would look at us in a strange way whenever we’d enter the building. Whereas for foreigners or some high-profiled businessmen or travelers, the staff would welcome them right away.

I’m not trying to be biased; besides, there are some staff who are still very good to us but it’s just the initial response that we get from people, OUR OWN PEOPLE, is bad and discriminating; questioning if we can afford the hotel that we’re checking in. In reality, we can’t; but at least they wouldn’t barge in on us without courtesy. Image is everything, it defines the impression that people have without really looking beyond the spectrum which makes me wonder, are we that bad looking?

Don’t you just hate being in the spotlight to the point wherein your decisions are based on how you yourself in other people’s perspectives? You don’t have you own entity because you are ruled by dictatorship that you put yourself in. You feel trapped because whatever your move, it’s being traced and observed. You feel so little that you crawl back into a corner or to your shell just so you wouldn’t hear any sound from the world outside.

I’m having a migraine. With all the things going on, pressure here and there. Family, work, even love and the lack of it.

I just need to organize my thoughts and plan properly. I need to get through this. I should.

I was pissed off twice today.
If you’ve got nothing good to say, STFU!