Edcel.net - mind games

There are times when I wonder if I’m too approachable that people can ask me favors even in the most inappropriate situations. I’m not trying to say that I don’t want to help just because of biased assumptions. Because if ever that happens to me, I don’t want to be put to a test either. I’m merely playing with the thought that if I were aloof, would they even talk to me?

I’m still high from my birthday. Not that I should be, but it’s nice that people were able to greet me in some way. It’s been awhile since I last felt my worth. I forgot how it would be to valued.

I don’t really receive gifts, nor do I get to set up a party but I’ve always wanted to have one. In any case, I’m glad I was able to hang out and eat with some people. Even if this week has been pretty tight on my budget (I had to borrow a lot of money from different people), I’m glad that somehow the celebration has been somewhat special. Lol, can’t believe I’m in drama mode again. Anyway, according to a colleague “It doesn’t hurt to spoil yourself, especially if it’s your birthday.”

My birthday week in pictures.

September 9. It’s my birthday. A few people have greeted me already. Colleagues at work and, well, colleagues at work. A few friends later, and some close before. Somehow, I believe they have one wish for me. That’s also a wish I try to conceal from myself. Anyway, I’m not going to make this entry a depressing one, so cheers to an older me!

22 years and counting, it seems that there’s nothing too special with being 22; but I guess there’s not much change as well.

One of the things that calm me down whenever I get those f*cking migraines at work are desserts. I have knack for cold ice cream (ha, is there such thing as HOT ice cream?), malts and all types of shakes.  That’s why, whenever we eat out, I usually go to the back portion of the menu and go straight ahead to the desserts. It sometimes annoys my colleagues that it would take me a long time to decide on what I want and I’d delay their orders. I’d often order tap water because I’d rather take a cold treat.

Strawberry Supershake

It’s Edcel, E-D-C-E-L.

Not Edsel nor Edzel and most especially not Eggcell (WT??)

Edcel with a C, capeesh?

The things I do just for the sake of getting a good picture. It sometimes amazes me. I just hope I won’t run out of skills to show.

So here I am, doing Overtime work just because I don’t have anything better to do on a weekend. Well, this is actually good since I didn’t have enough plans to go out of town, I’ll be going somewhere next weekend though. Right now, I’m just increasing the salary that goes to the bank down to my pocket till I just poop it all and flush it down the toilet.

A friend wondered why I’m doing Overtime when I should be getting a life by spending this time with a significant other. I just shut my mouth up before I could start giving a number of reasons why I chose to be indifferent. Besides, after I could give a number of justifications, they still won’t understand so I figured it’d be just a waste of saliva.

Anyway, in reality, I’m running out of excuses on why I remain single, why I don’t have a girlfriend already. I still make it as an excuse that I’m finding ways to alleviate my family’s status from the pit to the ground. Some people would find the idea too noble but maybe I was just raised that way.

The bad thing about it is I still let life present itself to me rather than me looking for something to present life. Who actually controls destiny? I’ve read a book about Jim Paredes and there was a note asking if we were created by God or are we the ones who created Him? That message struck and just blew me away that I had to stand in that bookstore for a couple of moments because I still pondered the question for some time. It was a time of my life as well that I shouldn’t be reading those types of books because the topic was and still is a sensitive one in my current condition.

Going back to the topic, I did attempt to pursue her; and at a certain point, I not only attempted. But I was met with dismay. She was the one for me, but I was rejected. When I found out that the woman of my dreams ran off with some guy with a tattoo, I felt out of place and out of reason. All the more that I didn’t make any move. Well maybe I did make a move; but the outcome didn’t look too good. I didn’t only lose a potential wife, I lost a lifetime friend; and it hurt like hell.

I still feel attached to her that’s why I can’t find other women out there. Does getting a life mean getting a partner? To me it does, cause the way people see me, that’s the only thing lacking; which maybe true in some sense. I don’t want to listen to people anymore, honestly. As I easily get swayed from different point of views when in reality, it should be my perception that matters most. And because what I see now is the monitor with my hands typing left to right, and a certain responsibility that keeps on blinking; reminding me that I still have a long way to go before I’m done for the day, I should go back to the present.

Back to work, Edcel. Get a life later.