Edcel.net - mind games

There are times when I keep wondering what I’m doing.
There are no answers to questions that don’t matter, why even bother?
Is the pursuit of the insatiable so important? Probably.
For now let me just get stuck.

Just Staring

Stop being so foolish, Ed. You can’t let salespersons drive you to their direction; even if they do it for a living. Now you’re going to suffer the consequences of getting your money back which will definitely take a lot of time, energy and money.

There are things in life that suddenly pop up every now and then.
Sometimes one can’t comprehend how big it is until it’s there;
and for the most part, one is not prepared.

Makes me wonder if I question life too much.
When have I been too skeptical?

I’m giving in again. I don’t know how many times I’ve already done this but I’m giving in… AGAIN. Of course, I shouldn’t count. This is, after all, for my family; and we shouldn’t count what we give to the people who brought us up.

However, the problem is with them taking something without me being able to voluntarily give. They take it even before it reaches the palm of my hand which in turn, makes me wonder what worth I have left (tungsten rings?) I don’t see the outcome of my labor cause it’s already gone. And it’s a cycle, a vicious cycle that goes on and on until I can’t give in anymore.

The question in my head is when will this stop? I feel like a wet towel being squeezed until I don’t have water left in me to drop –> pardon the metaphor. But really, am I this weak? My brother, who’s still at odds with our father, is still unyielding. I applaud his determination to be unfazed by words. I can’t do that. I thought I could but I can’t. Now I have to face the consequence, sacrifice and give in… again.