Edcel.net - a personal weblog

When I was in Dumaguete, a high school friend introduced me to her new  bodyguard. The face looked familiar, it was then that I found out that he was a batch lower than us. We went out just to hang out and tried to get wasted. He was taking a class for caregiving which would only take him 6 months to finish. Because I haven’t finished my studies, it made me contemplate again.

I already have a job but it seems that it’s still not enough. I want to earn more so I can help my family. But then he told me it’s not that easy because you need to find a good home health care agency that will back you up when you’re already outside. Of course, everything is a risk. But if this is my ticket outside this country, the idea doesn’t seem too far-fetched.

borrowed a dvd copy from a colleague at work on the movie called “Just Friends”.

This movie was shown years ago, but it’s only now that I was able to watch it again. The last time I’ve seen this was still in the beginning of the YouTube era when I had to open a number of Windows just to buffer the videos to play them continuously. The only problem with this now is that the disc is busted in some parts that I never was able to finish it because it’d get stuck in the middle.

Still, I like this movie cause two of the actors that play are some of my favorites comedians; Anna Faris and Ryan Reynolds really make me laugh at times.

The movie deals with the frustrations of not being able to tell how you feel about the person you love who just happens to be your best friend.

Chris Brander (Ryan Reynolds) was once an overweight high school geek who’s in love with her best friend, Jamie (Amy Smart) who wanted them to be just friends. 10 years later, all successful and good-looking, he stops by his old town due to some unforeseen events looking after an up-and-coming pop star but a prima donna at heart, Samantha James  (Anna Faris). Chris is able to go back to his past and after a series of unexpected problems, professes back his love for Jamie…

I can relate a lot; maybe because of the process of being turned down by your best friend. Ouch. Just because the other never thought that a platonic bond could still be there after revealing his true feelings. It’s a rare occurence that after talking, the other would feel the same.

I don’t want to be the best friend, I want us to be more.

It makes you realize that in order to move the relationship to move a step farther, you need to get out of the “friend zone”. You should keep a bit of a distance in order to keep her wanting for more. Of course, this doesn’t necessarily apply in all situations; but it does prove a point. As for me, I’m not a friend even anymore so does that give me any chance at all?

We weren’t entirely best friends that we get to be so comfortable sharing rooms but we were close. I wasn’t at all a Loser in class, heck I wasn’t a LOSER; but we connected. And I know I’m getting personal but I hope that if ever our paths will cross again… nah. I’ll just cut this short.

During recollection days in my Senior year of high school, we were told to read a passage about Scarred people being beautiful people.

Here’s a copy I got off somewhere after I Googled it.

MAN SPEAKS:
I’ve seen a number of movies lately, Lord,
like Romeo and Juliet.
The love of young people, at least in those movies
is beautiful……so simple… so total….so complicated.
They seem so natural, so free in their emotions,
so clear in their feelings.
I wish I could be like that, Lord, but it can’t be.
Why is it so?

I’ve been hurt, Lord.
I’ve trusted and been betrayed at times.
I’ve loved and received nothing in return.
I have tried hard to care and failed often.
I have shared my secrets and heard them whispered to others.
I have been warm and receive a cold shoulder.

I have been through it, Lord.
I’ve fallen on my face.
I’ve banged my shins.
I’ve been bruised.
Look, Lord, I’m all covered with scars!

THE LORD SPEAKS:
Maybe you haven’t understood enough; Maybe you haven’t learned
that human life is like that: All Saints are scarred.
Young love isn’t the highest form of human love. The greatest love
comes from scarred people.
I know that many people stop loving so that they won’t hurt again.
But those who do start over again, who continue in spite of
all, who leave themselves open to the possibility of being
hurt again – These people are able to love again
in a deeper way, a more understanding way, a richer way.

MAN’S RESPONSE:
I think I know what you mean, Lord, I’ve met people like that…
and knowing them gives me courage.
The great people are those who continue to love with their scars…
I like scarred people, Lord – They are beautiful..

It dealt with the story of a man who just got broken hearted because the love of his life didn’t accept him. He asked God for any explanation and the Supreme Being said that the man shouldn’t get mad that he was rejected. Because scarred people are beautiful people.

I never really understood the topic of that story… I still know a little.
I never knew how it felt like to be scarred… until now.

It hurts to know that the love of your life doesn’t love you back. How many years does it take for you to recover? More than 5? or forever? God, it hurts to be scarred.

Back when I was in my sophomore year in high school, I was transferred to another school because the eldest brother had a bit of an issue with one of his subjects. We all had to transfer and I personally didn’t like the way that I would have to introduce myself to a bunch of people again, thinking they’d really want to get to know me better.

I’ve been to a lot of schools already and when I saw the structure of the place as well as the facilities, I didn’t really want to know why the place was like a marijuana rehab for heroin rehabilitation. I didn’t like the fact that it didn’t look like an institution that was conducive for learning because as what I’ve heard, it’s usually a center for people who were drawn into different mischiefs and vices such as cocaine rehab or crystal meth rehab. It looked like dump for drug rehab statistics so people can check if they have the determination to heal themselves. However, as time passed, I grew to like the people there.

I was able to learn that they were what they are, people. They have a lot of pool for talent which is another great avenue for me to express myself better. Some of them just needed guidance or just plain attention. As I got to know them a little better; I found out that they were also people who had a life; they just started at the wrong end.

The funny thing about the whole story is that after a year’s worth of schooling, we were told that we were going back to my old school. But I told them that I just wanted to stay. Of course, as if I was the one paying for my tuition, so I just obeyed. But that’s one of the good experiences about the messier sad of life that I’ve learned.

All this talking about rehab makes me hear Amy Winehouse’s contemporary hit “Rehab” and I want to take it out of my head already. sheesh.

High school classmates texted me, saying they wanted to meet up. I was contemplating if I should join them or not. I don’t know really, I’ve become afraid of seeing them and how they would react. Not that I have anything to brag about nor do I have a lot to criticize. It’s just constitutes maybe to my low self-esteem; am I that self-conscious? I don’t even have the right to feel this way as I am the one who has gotten a decent job despite not having a college degree yet. But I don’t know, I don’t want to go back and talk about the old times; since it makes me depressed all the more, knowing that I don’t like what I’ve become. Especially since I don’t want to picture myself of saying things I never want to say, because I’ll be too drunk to care. To think about the hangover I’ll be getting the next day.

So I resulted to texting them, saying I was doing Overtime at work; and I have to pass this one up. White lie, ed.