I’m a godfather again. This will be my fourth time to be one. Not sure if this a good or bad thing. I’m glad that I was chosen but I’m apprehensive if I’m doing my job correctly as there’s just a lot of responsibility of being one. I don’t want to say YES in every opportunity because there’s a big role that one has to fulfill for being a second parent.
Edcel – a personal weblog mind games and then some.
conversation with relatives
January 31, 2011 — edcelHad a conversation with my relatives of our lives before. I visited my brother just to check on him and it was of perfect timing since I was able to get a promo fare online. I felt that I had to bond with him so at least he can have a different perspective on how life has been treating us all.
bros before hoes
January 31, 2011 — edcelI’m taking the time off to bond with my brother. I feel that it’s my duty to at least catch up since I’m after all, the elder one. Besides, I’ve been taking too many vacations that I should at least share these types of adventures with my kin.
Tying a tie
December 19, 2010 — edcelIt was four years ago when I learned to tie a tie. A colleague taught me how to come up with a Windsor knot. I was 19, excited to be in the corporate industry feeling all grown up and mature – at least when dressing up only. It even took me some time – around 30 minutes to get the hang of it and I had a screenshot on my computer station with the directions.
younger bro
December 12, 2010 — edcelMy younger arrived from our home town. It’s been a while since I last saw him too. I’m not really sure where I’ll take him as we don’t have much funds to get out. I promised I’d give him something after I get back from a trip abroad next month.
bought a phone
December 5, 2010 — edcelBought a phone for my older brother. Nothing special, just the basic stuff – call and text. I know he’s craving for something more but this is good for now. At least I can contact him during emergencies. I got it at a very cheap price too! Dirt cheap actually. I just hate the fact that I can’t call them when needed. There has to be some form of communication between siblings during important times and somehow, not being able to do so has been giving me a lot of stress the past months. I hope there will be no more excuse of him not being able to talk to me when I need to.
nobody’s fool
October 5, 2010 — edcelI am nobody’s fool but myself.
Of all the things I could’ve ever done, why did I even think about it?
I was crazy enough to believe; I was dumb enough to rely. I was stupid enough to hope.
looking for another loan
August 6, 2010 — edcelNot for me as usual. It will be my line that will be at stake but I won’t pay the whole lot as my brother took the responsibility already.
My atm card will be away from me for 6 months or so and I’m just finishing some of the other requirements to be done. I’ll say goodbye to the card for now. Loan, loan loan — darn it.
split me
August 1, 2010 — edcelI hate the uncertainty on what’s going to happen. I wish I could just split myself in two so I can see both sides of the situation. I don’t want hell to break lose and I don’t want to be absent when that happens. I wish to stop the drama already. My heart is cold and I have no room for soft. I want to end it… right now. I will never have peace and I’ve accepted it; all I’m ever hoping is for damage control before it even gets worse to what’s already one.
punched a wall
August 1, 2010 — edcelThrew my fist on a wall due to the dire need and desperation to shut mouths up and control tempers down. I was unsuccessful and it left a small mark on my knuckle.
Going back was a big mistake. I can never see any hope for reconciliation as we all have to lead separate ways in order to stay alive.
shoes to fill
July 25, 2010 — edcelIt’s not my responsibility to fill in your shoes. I’m tired and I don’t want to be a resource for you to just call me whenever you need my assistance. I may be harsh because what’s a family for, right? But hey, don’t let it out on me alone. I have other siblings who should wake up and smell that all flowers are not as nice as they seem. I’m pressured in a lot of ways and I have to come up with something just for everybody to stay afloat.
new place
July 17, 2010 — edcelThe new place seems okay, and I feel a lot better knowing that I got back with my folks and siblings again. One thing I like most is that I get to taste my mom’s home-cooked meals again. I miss somebody having to cook for me, knowing that there’s always something on the table that I can munch on. My brothers will help me with the expenses and now that we’re actually heading what’s going to happen, I feel a lot more in control. I got my own room which is too much of a luxury. I’ll probably have to share it with my other bro but we’ll see. What’s great is that they prepared everything for me so I wouldn’t have to worry about packing and unpacking my things and settling.
moved out again
July 14, 2010 — edcelIt was a good 10 months or so.
I moved to a different place and I’m staying with my folks and my brothers again. Though the previous set-up was a bit pricey, I had the liberty to do whatever I could. I also had my privacy which was really good especially if you’re a single guy living in the city.
lesson
July 11, 2010 — edcelI want you to use all the negative energy that you have and turn it into something positive but I’m having a hard time teaching you about these matters. I wish you would just do something and learn from mistakes so you won’t have to commit the same errors again. I can’t believe I’m saying this but someday, you’ll understand what I mean. Just start pressuring yourself so you can see that you can do something more than I’ve done. You won’t learn unless you try and it’s not good anymore if we treat you like a kid cause you’re not anymore.
and so they’re back
June 23, 2010 — edceland I don’t have the budget.
I know it’s bad that I’m thinking about money when the important thing are the ties that bond. But I can’t really see straight with the current situation. Issues on the surface are prevailing and revolving around my head that for now, I am pressured to find a way to get another source of income. But then, I’m already swamped.
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