Edcel.net – mind games

Why am I so upset at the basic foundation that’s supposed to be my strength to keep me standing still? I know it’s wrong of me to think of ill thoughts towards these people. What’s sadder is that I have more faith in other people which leads to me being more ashamed of myself for not practicing what I preach. Everything should start within myself and then the basic unit of society. I don’t intend to be unyielding but that’s usually the initial reaction when situations start to get weary and we’re going back to the same old routine which is unacceptable. Why can’t people change? Am I just lucky or did I get special treatment when I was being born? Sometimes I can’t help but think of myself being an ingrate who isolated himself in order to find selfish joys. I thought I was free but I’m not.

I know these pillars are broken, I wish I knew how to fix them. Only my pride gets in the way which is definitely one deadly root. I easily get dismayed for all the excuses and false promises that fly around whenever questions are being raised and when we’re trying to find the cause. I get exhausted but I should never give up on them because they’re the ones that are supposed to be my priority. Giving back what I can to the people who made me who I am is really what I’m aiming for; though it doesn’t really show as much. It’s really such a sad predicament to be in. Now I’m hanging on to whatever hope that’s left, and it’s killing me softly.