Edcel.net – mind games

I have to deal with it.

At least now I’m in the terminal and I’m bound to fly 30 minutes from now. I’m happy that this pushed through, despite all the trouble I’ve gone through to get here. I don’t have any sleep and I’ll be heading off to work after I arrive so that leaves me to worry about how to get myself to talk to people without sounding tired and wasted.

Upset that I can’t get enough sleep and I have to deal with the situation. This too shall pass but for now I need to get my sleep!

One of my frustrations is being involved in Multimedia. Somehow, I’m inclined to being creative without really pressuring myself to be good at something. I like taking pictures, editing them and showing them to other people. It’s something that I consider a hobby that I enjoy doing, aside from blogging. I was told to take this passion to another level, something that I can try to do as a profession or even just a sideline. Actually, I have plans, but nothing would really surmise as of the moment due to the thought of being unstable is what digresses me.

I dunno why I took up Engineering or Economics in the first place aside from the love of Math. Probably because I’ve had the notion that I wouldn’t really excel in a particular field, but just be good at everything. A jack of all trades, a master of none. Put in me in Business, put me in PR, put me in Customer Service, put me in Arts, put me in Media & Technology. I’ll show some potential, but I won’t fully develop.

Anyway, like I said, I want to share this hobby to other people. I like the way I’m being appreciated for coming up with a good concept or project. I just need to have more focus, since I’m still a bit lost in that part.

Want to work on film.

edcel.net is going to live for another year. I renewed my domain again. It will be two weeks before it fully expires and I don’t want to wait for that time until I find out it’s too late to update it. This site has been pretty close to me despite having one other major site. Probably because this site was created without much knowledge on ftp servers, plugins, read/write access, SSL connections and such. However, I was able to build this blog in order to showcase some emotions that I don’t normally divulge in other domains.

At first, I didn’t like the domain. I wanted a .COM domain because of course, getting a .NET seemed like a secondary option when the former is already taken. But I figured I should just keep this for my sake considering that having a short name is uncommon (not less your name is aru1md –> I just made this up to sound funny but somehow ended up being corny).

Anyway, here’s to another year of useless rants and endless mind games and random thoughts of nothingness.

cheers. not

Some things are hard to understand. When reality doesn’t go according to what you planned.

Why must it not come to life? I never wanted it in the first place right? What’s the reason why I’m getting jealous, no NOT jealous; but just envious on what’s going on? I can’t explain fleeting thoughts no matter how hard I try to deny it. It’s upsetting on my part because I never expected this to happen. What am I supposed to do then, when it’s already impossible? Do I defy standards in order to satisfy selfish motifs?

It’s an endless loop of distraught emotions and contradictory principles. There’s no purpose wallowing, but one shouldn’t wait to act on it before it’s too late.

Some things are hard to understand. When reality doesn’t go according to what you planned.

Why must it not come to life? I never wanted it in the first place right? What’s the reason why I’m getting jealous, no NOT jealous; but just envious on what’s going on? I can’t explain fleeting thoughts no matter how hard I try to deny it. It’s upsetting on my part because I never expected this to happen. What am I supposed to do then, when it’s already impossible? Do I defy standards in order to satisfy selfish motifs?

It’s an endless loop of distraught emotions and contradictory principles. There’s no purpose wallowing, but one shouldn’t wait to act on it before it’s too late.

Was playing some tunes at Pandora (my favorite online radio) when I chanced upon this song. There’s something about lonely melodies that still attracts me. This is most likely a worship song but it similar to all songs, it can be interpreted on how you perceive it; which means I have a different perception.

You
Switchfoot

There’s always something in the way
There’s always something getting through
But its not me
Its you
Its you

Sometimes ignorance rings true
But hope is not in what I know
Its not in me
Its in you
Its in you

Its all I know
Its all I know
Its all I know

I find peace when I’m confused
And I find hope when I’m let down
Not in me, me
In you
Its in you

I hope to lose myself for good
I hope to find it in the end
But not in me, me
In you
In you

Its all I know
Its all I know
Its all I know

In you
In you
Its in you
In you

There’s always something in the way
There’s always something getting through
But its not me, me
Its you
Its you
Its you
Its you
Its you (Its all I know)
Its you
Its you (Its all I know)
Its you
Its you (Its all I know)
Its you
Its you