Edcel.net - mind games

I’m having a migraine. With all the things going on, pressure here and there. Family, work, even love and the lack of it.

I just need to organize my thoughts and plan properly. I need to get through this. I should.

There are things in life that suddenly pop up every now and then.
Sometimes one can’t comprehend how big it is until it’s there;
and for the most part, one is not prepared.

You are my current addiction; I can’t resist you, I can’t stop.
You lose my senses, and make me forget principles.
You keep me awake that I long for you in the stillness of night.
And I am drawn, like a moth to a flame.

You make me think less of myself as you summon me to your beckon.
You are a habit, and yet a vice.
You make me sick and yet I don’t complain.
You poison my thoughts and I’m overwhelmed.

There is no need for reason for your presence justifies it all.
I’m addicted and you are addiction itself.

Makes me wonder if I question life too much.
When have I been too skeptical?

– One regular work day, this was the only song that kept playing on my the player and I didn’t mind at all! Maybe it’s one of those LSS moments wherein I had to make sure I could get it out of my head.

Sorry For The Stupid Things
Babyface

Sometimes we wish for the better
When we have it good as it gets
Sometimes the grass isn’t greener
soon as we find out, we forget
Sometimes the fool doesn’t know he’s a fool
Sometimes a dog he don’t know he’s a dog
Sometimes I do stupid things to you
When I really don’t mean it all

Sometimes a man
Is gonna be a man
It’s not an excuse
It’s just how it is
Sometimes the wrong
Don’t know that they’re wrong
Sometimes the strong
Ain’t always so strong
Sometimes a girl
Is gonna be a girl
She don’t wanna deal with all the drama in your world
God knows I don’t mean to give it to you
So girl I’m sorry for the stupid things I wish I didn’t do but I do

Oh so sorry, oh no, oh so sorry

Sometimes I wish I was smarter
Wish I was a bit more like you
Not making stupid decisions made at the last minute
You live to regret when it’s through

Well, sometimes the fool doesn’t know he’s a fool
And sometimes a dog he don’t know he’s a dog
Sometimes I do stupid things to you
When I really didn’t mean it all

Sometimes a man
Is gonna be a man
It’s not an excuse
It’s just how it is
Sometimes the wrong
Don’t know that they’re wrong
Sometimes the strong
Can’t always be strong
Sometimes a girl
Is gonna be a girl
She don’t wanna deal with all the drama in your world
God knows I don’t mean to give it to you
So girl I’m sorry for the stupid things I wish I didn’t do but I do

Sometimes the fool doesn’t know he’s a fool
Sometimes a dog he don’t know he’s a dog
Sometimes I do stupid things to you
When I really didn’t mean it at all, at all

Sometimes a man
Is gonna be a man
It’s not an excuse
It’s just how it is
Sometimes the wrong
Don’t know that they’re wrong
Sometimes the strong
Ain’t always so strong
Sometimes a girl
Is gonna be a girl
She don’t wanna deal with all the drama in your world
God knows I don’t mean to give it to you
So girl I’m sorry for the stupid things I wish I didn’t do but I do

I was pissed off twice today.
If you’ve got nothing good to say, STFU!

There’s another position to be filled upon and it is to our advantage since we already have the edge because we are the pioneers of the account. I’m still thinking about it. However, the idea is a bit vague on my end, even if they say that I have nothing to lose since I’m single, and it’s an added opportunity to go out and explore what life can offer

Don’t look back so you won’t have to wallow about the past.

–> This is what a former colleague advised me when applying for a different position since she thinks that the reason I’m undecided is because of the attachment I have with my previous account.

I have been through this situation before, and I’ve been very transparent in opening it to my colleagues at work. That’s why I got a bit of a tip from the one whom I quoted in this entry. I tend to look back in the past which makes me regret the challenges I am facing in the future. What I have to do is just eliminate myself from what happened and pursue what’s being paved for me.

But what if the environment is the one that keeps on reminding me of the path I used to travel? My friends are there on just one corner, so it’s hard not to go out with people you’ve grown accustomed with. The thing is I don’t wallow anymore because I have gained a lot of knowledge and experience that I will never get if I were to stay in my previous situation. I wouldn’t have this type of mentality had I not taken the risk that I did almost a year ago.

I have moved on, I’ve moved on even before. Which leads me to state what another colleague said when it comes to promotions.

One of the main reasons why people apply for a higher position is because of self-esteem.

Self-esteem, plus some other factors. It does play a role because if one wants to get a higher position, one has the recognition and the pay. But then, it comes with certain sacrifices because of bigger responsibilities. If one can be contented with what he has, then there wouldn’t be any problem. But then that’s the issue in living; we want to grow and change since it’s an inevitable part of life; that is if you want to develop yourself further.

Ed, one becomes indecisive when one has many options.

I took this as a compliment, since that’s actually the nicest thing one has ever said to me on that day. Another colleague said that I can do so many things that’s why it’s hard for me to decide. I don’t think I’m lost, it’s just that an opportunity is knocking on my doorstep and when one is eligible, people will want to push you up.

This reminds me of the classic by J.D. Salinger “The Catcher in the Rye”. But I shouldn’t be bothered as I’m through with angst and all that crap. Still, do I want to stay like in this position? Of course, not. But most likely, I just need to take my time.

Let me be unfazed my words that don’t matter at all.