So that’s it. I’m in the office cause I’m going to sleep. Ha, I can’t sleep properly at the house because of the tension in between talking and waking up without doing anything. I can’t call our house a home anymore and anytime soon, we’ll be gone to some la-la land pretending to know what we’re doing with our lives. But it’s sickening, knowing that the one that’s supposed to keep you alive, your life support, hasn’t been of much help. So I lay here and ponder what I’d have to do in order to take that step, that one leap of faith to get out of this mess. But I’m scared; I’m scared shitless of the uncertainty of events that cannot be avoided. Still, I’m not comfortable anymore. Do I seem bad? Am I an evil person for being selfish? I don’t even want to have conversations because of the beliefs that are shattered because of tainted reputation.
Edcel – a personal weblog mind games and then some.
in debt
July 30, 2008 — edcelThe house is a ticking time bomb. Any minute it will explode due to the number of loans that we have and are out to reach us.
no looking back
July 29, 2008 — edcel
With all the things that have been said and done,
there are a lot more things that have been said than done.
That’s why I’m taking charge and there’s no looking back.
transitory diversion
July 28, 2008 — edcel
I need my diversion, something to keep me busy.
So I may not have to think about life, so I may not have to think at all.
prodigal sons
July 27, 2008 — edcelWe’ve said our piece, and we’re just waiting for time. We may look like prodigal sons that won’t ever turn back but we’ll see. This will be another chapter in our lives but it’s too soon to say when things don’t add up properly yet. It’s only a matter of time… and money; which we neither have.
feeling groggy
July 26, 2008 — edcelI feel groggy –> I don’t even know how to explain it. I woke up with more than the usual number of hours of sleep which is a good thing. Yet, I feel tired.
This is better though compared to the previous days. I just can’t believe that I came to work at the exact time of my shift. Another day, same shit.
restricted privacy
July 25, 2008 — edcelI don’t like the fact that my thoughts are being exposed because if they are, then I’d be more inclined to keeping all the emotions in. I’d become more conscious of what I’m planning to write. Of course, this is inevitable; especially since this site runs on a public domain. I just didn’t expect this to be sooner. I want this site to still remain anonymous despite the different contrary actions being done. I’m making money out of it, but more importantly, I have the venue to express my thoughts that I don’t normally do in other public blogs. I’ve got nothing to hidem, not even golf gloves, I just don’t like it when people misconstrue the information that I put in. I’m already self-conscious, much more with people finding this blog out.
odd
July 24, 2008 — edcelWhy can’t we be like other people? Before, I used to like being different. It offered so much character during conversations and during show and tell. But then, when you think about it, what good does it offer in the end? Well, at least you have an excuse for people to feel sorry about yourself. But it’s not that grave of a matter anyway. As if you can get a nike golf ball out of it, which is just next to being insensible.
used
July 24, 2008 — edcelI’m fed up. I’m f*cking fed up. The cycle just goes on and on. I feel that I’m used, so f*cking used the I lost my sense of self. I’m like a robot being operated just for spite. I’m squeezed, wrung even; to the point that I have nothing left in me. What little resource I have left will just be gone without even reaching the palm of my hand.
The Dark Knight
July 23, 2008 — edcelThe dark knight rocks!
Just watched the movie ”The Dark Knight” and I commend the actors and how the movie was created. The cinematography, the sudden twist in the situations, the different schemes and angles, the dark setting of Gotham city and the crimes, the evolution of Two Face that I didn’t know was part of the movie.
certified cisco
July 22, 2008 — edcelInformation Technology is a very lucrative industry today since we’re in a world constantly evolving 
in this field. With new and advanced computers sprouting every now and then, one should enhance himself with the proper background to be better and be more up-to-date. I should know, I used to work for a multinational computer technology corporation and it’s definitely an advantage if you have the training.
give me a break
July 18, 2008 — edcelI haven’t slept. I just got back from the house cause a previous problem I had, I haven’t taken a bath and I’m all drenched in sweat. I can’t do much except work my ass off again. I need to finish and reach my quota for this fiscal month less I get labeled as “incompetent” which is not one of the adjectives that I’d like to be associated with.
effed up
July 17, 2008 — edcelI haven’t had sleep again. I’ve been up for I don’t know how many hours already.
I just got back from an hour’s worth of walking and commuting to and fro the office and the house. I ended my shift and went home for a good bath but when I was about to pay my fare, I found out that I left my wallet at the back of the monitor of the station where I last worked. I didn’t have enough fare so I didn’t pay at all.
contemplating on working outside
July 14, 2008 — edcelI accompanied a friend who’s going to church to ask for something. She won’t be here over the weekend because of a planned interview to work for a job in another company in another country. I’m hoping she passes and all will be set for her as this also makes me wonder what it would be like to work abroad.
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