I read my past entries back then as I was sorting out my blog because the template crashed on me. I ask myself if I was the one who wrote those posts a few years ago. I sounded too mature for my age. I started working early and I learned a lot about the world.
All the more that I ask myself; what has changed? Or better yet, what have I accomplished? Change is inevitable; I don’t know how many times I’ve battered this statement. As a matter of fact, it has become a cliche already. But going back, what has changed? I’ve always been pressuring myself to excel or at least try to. Sometimes I wonder if this is all I can ever do. But I believe I can do more. It’s a just a matter of time; however it’s something that I don’t have a lot of.
A friend told me that life is not a race. But knowing that we’ll all have our turn, isn’t it better to get there first?
I can’t understand how it has become surreal cause in a way; I’ve actually matured in some sense. Of course, those entries were 4 years ago; I should’ve grown by now. I don’t know if I’m already ready to face new challenges and go back to be with the people I’ve been with. Since I’ve always been a constant traveler; leaving people behind, with my heart also in left in those places. But that was then. I don’t hold any longing feeling anymore, since I deem that I’ve reached that numbing stage which I had been praying for all the while.
I just find it funny how life has turned out for me. There may be regrets; no, not regrets, but missed opportunities. But hey, reality always has. You choose a certain path, you give up the other. You lose a friend, you gain another. You profess your feelings; you lose a lover (I had to make it rhyme). All is fair in life and hate; at least in its bittersweet sense.
But I don’t want to think about it in the long run; knowing that I’ve already started the year right but thinking more about myself and rewarding myself more than last year’s. It’s my life anyway. As always, I don’t have to explain but just let things be.
I have pictured myself riding a bike, off to a great country journey. I feel the cool breeze and smell the scent of trees as I pass by. I’m pedaling off to nowhere as I watch a wonderful view of the sun setting down; as if I am the air and the light warms me. Now I’ve come to realize that I really don’t know where I’m going. A life that’s laid out to me, if there really is even a pavement. How does one come to know his purpose? Does he really have to find one?
Which reminds me to ask again, if ever I achieve what I can achieve, what’s in store for me then? Every one of us is supposed to find that missing piece. However, just like how that story ended, we tend to loose the people we gain once we get it. But does it have to finish as if we’re half-empty?
Sigh, with these questions in tow, it’s better that I’d just eat utan bisaya.
