Edcel.net - a personal weblog

When I was still in Siargao, I was about to sleep, a colleague texted me saying she’s leaving our account. She and another colleague will have a lateral transfer to another Provider on the same company. They will still be based here in Cebu but they’ll be in Bacolod for 2 weeks for the training. Shoot. I could’ve also grabbed the opportunity if I were there with them had I not spent a vacation. I had a hard time sleeping then. Right now, they already have tickets to proceed.

I can’t deny that I didn’t want the job. Sure it may also be challenging. New job, new processes, new adjustments, new bosses. But I’m willing to learn and be trained. I talked to the big boss, asked him if there were other slots, he said he’ll think about it.

Maybe I’m just overwhelmed with this news which is why I’m acting this way. I’ll have my time.

When I was a kid, friends would say I had a mole on my head; of course I wouldn’t be able determine it since I couldn’t see it (duh). But now that I finally shaved my head, I was able to take a snapshot from the top. I thought it’s just a small dot, I never knew it would be that big. They also said that once you have one in, it defines that you are a person of intelligent nature. But I don’t believe that anymore, as I wonder whatever happened to my supposed wit. My brain has reduced to becoming an information-repelling, useless data absorber that is already hard enough to grasp a simple concept of design. Whatever happened to me? Did I hit myself too hard to reality? Sheesh. I just hope I can start gaining a sharp mind again, I need to go back studying.

Why does a person have to grow up in order to find the importance of meaning? Can’t things be any simpler for us all in order to achieve a better and clearer understanding of what keeps us going? What is the purpose of existence? Do I even have one? What’s with all these questions? Am I ever going to find answers?

I just got back from Siargao. First thing I started doing was check my mails and update whatever needs to be updated. After four hours online, I’m still stuck on my seat. I can’t seem to move as I’m glued; for almost a week, I haven’t been this long online. I was only able to check my mails twice while in Siargao, sheesh, I’m such a net-freak.

I’m chatting with a highschool friend right now. After updating my entries as well as finishing some pending tasks, she suddenly sent out a buzz and we chatted for awhile.

She’s in Cali as of the moment for a vacation after graduating college. Good for her, she’s already through with college (i.e. she has a degree). As for me, I have to pay off old debts just to continue schooling. It’s been a while since we last talked, now’s not any different as we’re just typing words away. Not that I’m complaining, the wonders of technology.

Speaking of technology, I told her about making money online through blogging. After a couple of responses, a tirade of explanations went on to explain her about the mechanics of earning. I never typed that much in a long while. I just hope she understood every word I said; as I don’t even know the words that I’ve entered.

I wanted to walk her through setting up her own blog account but her computer’s a bit slow according to her. Good thing though, as I don’t know how many hours it’ll take for us both just to create an account since she told me she’s not fond of the internet.

The long chat made me realize how I’m still lucky that despite being on standby, I’m still trying to learn new things to add to my credibility as a person. At least I’m not being lazy. Well, I have to get back to uploading about a thousand pictures from our trip.

I shaved my head. I don’t know what came over me but I just did. It’s about time since it’s inline with the summer. To think that I got my hair cut in Surigao, which is in another island. The last time I went skinhead was during summer of my Junior year in high school. When was that, 2002? 6 years ago?

Anyway, now i look a shaolin with a helmet, what gives? I shouldn’t even care anymore. I’m typing this in Siargao while on my vacation leave. Tomorrow, I’ll have somebody teach me how to surf. I hope I won’t disappoint.

I read my past entries back then as I was sorting out my blog because the template crashed on me. I ask myself if I was the one who wrote those posts a few years ago. I sounded too mature for my age. I started working early and I learned a lot about the world.

All the more that I ask myself; what has changed? Or better yet, what have I accomplished? Change is inevitable; I don’t know how many times I’ve battered this statement. As a matter of fact, it has become a cliche already. But going back, what has changed? I’ve always been pressuring myself to excel or at least try to. Sometimes I wonder if this is all I can ever do. But I believe I can do more. It’s a just a matter of time; however it’s something that I don’t have a lot of.

A friend told me that life is not a race. But knowing that we’ll all have our turn, isn’t it better to get there first?

I can’t understand how it has become surreal cause in a way; I’ve actually matured in some sense. Of course, those entries were 4 years ago; I should’ve grown by now. I don’t know if I’m already ready to face new challenges and go back to be with the people I’ve been with. Since I’ve always been a constant traveler; leaving people behind, with my heart also in left in those places. But that was then. I don’t hold any longing feeling anymore, since I deem that I’ve reached that numbing stage which I had been praying for all the while.

I just find it funny how life has turned out for me. There may be regrets; no, not regrets, but missed opportunities. But hey, reality always has. You choose a certain path, you give up the other. You lose a friend, you gain another. You profess your feelings; you lose a lover (I had to make it rhyme). All is fair in life and hate; at least in its bittersweet sense.

But I don’t want to think about it in the long run; knowing that I’ve already started the year right but thinking more about myself and rewarding myself more than last year’s. It’s my life anyway. As always, I don’t have to explain but just let things be.
I have pictured myself riding a bike, off to a great country journey. I feel the cool breeze and smell the scent of trees as I pass by. I’m pedaling off to nowhere as I watch a wonderful view of the sun setting down; as if I am the air and the light warms me. Now I’ve come to realize that I really don’t know where I’m going. A life that’s laid out to me, if there really is even a pavement. How does one come to know his purpose? Does he really have to find one?

Which reminds me to ask again, if ever I achieve what I can achieve, what’s in store for me then? Every one of us is supposed to find that missing piece. However, just like how that story ended, we tend to loose the people we gain once we get it. But does it have to finish as if we’re half-empty?

Sigh, with these questions in tow, it’s better that I’d just eat utan bisaya.

You may think you know; you have no idea.

This is the problem with having a virtual identity. People try to profile you into one single category as if you’re stuck in one dimension; when in truth, you’re just sharing a fragment of who you are and what you do. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you are a person people expect you to be; because if by any chance, you’d ever meet them, they might get disappointed of what truly is. It’s not hard to distinguish yourself from simulation; sad to say, in this connected realm, we portray the image of what we want to be, not really much of who we are. That’s why to be part of an open-minded few that doesn’t judge what the eye can see, is rare. One can never really notice from the heart because of how the mind dictates. So for all the people out there who’ll be dismayed of the likeness that a person may portray, just don’t look forward to it.